first born

Prajna told me she was three and a half weeks pregnant about a month after our wedding. That evening we ran into a friend with a new son and she asked us if we were going to have kids. Prajna and I paused.
“Yeah,” I said. “We’re going to litter the world with them.”
The folks at my work were happy for me. “Kids are great,” said Uncle Cliffy and went on to tell me about his son crapping all over his bare belly.
When Prajna was obviously showing, I loved walking through the mall with her. I strutted with the attitude of ‘hey see what I did?’
We drove to Maui Memorial Hospital on the evening of October 9th. He was born around 7 the next morning. We didn’t know that he was a boy until he popped out. Suddenly “The Baby” was My Son. I drove home later that day saying out loud: I have a son!
As I write this he is strumming his guitar in his room. He taught himself to play. He’ll be 17 in four months, ten days. His first name is actually David and his middle name is Harrison.

The Faux Children

I am a father of six. I usually tell folks that I’m a father of five just to avoid saying that I lost a daughter to cancer in 2002.
I didn’t know very much about parenting and children when I became a dad. And I didn’t really start to grow as a dad until I had our second child. Naomi was so different from Harrison and I realized a solid law of the universe: kids are different.
Harrison was a fussy newborn but then settled down to a kid who could be left alone to amuse himself looking at his toys and babbling. Naomi hated being left alone and cried in the church nursery.
Benjamin cried a lot too but was a great eater and pretty easygoing. Sarah was mellow and friendly. Jamie was probably the easiest of them all. Then Nathaniel came along and was the neediest of all.
As the kids grow they change. But underlying personality remains. Harrison is passionate about music and magic taking care of young children. Benjamin is still something of a follower and goes with the flow. Sarah is artistic and loves to write and draw. Jamie loves to please people. Nathaniel is an organizer.
The Faux children.

Roadwalker

I was computer literate before most people. My buddy Danny and I would co into Sears and put the Commodore 64 computers into infinite loops. I was a member of a BBS in the 1989 and 1990 before the internet really existed. Because I was on a BBS I needed a handle. I was Dragonfox.
Dragonfox suggested a fantasy mixing with my reality. Cleverness and mystery mixed with power and nobility. Chat friends loved it.
I joined up with other message boards and I liked names that alluded to activity. I had used flaredodger before. But I created my favorite handle when I joined the Straight Dope Message Board I picked out a new name. I was Roadwalker.
Roadwalker could mean walking the straight and narrow. It meant traveler. It meant someone who takes their time and does not run.
I had more fun when I started making movies with Windows Movie Maker and created a film label called Roadwalker Media. ®
Now my blog is called Roadwalker. I was stoked when Blogger had the name available.
All this stuff I have created has no substance. It’s all electronic data and cyber-space.
I have had a part in if not creating at least shaping the lives of my kids. It’s about time I write about them.

I started out as the new kid in third grade after moving to Hawaii. For the next few years I didn’t really have friends. I would usually befriend a new kid, be friends with them awhile and then they would leave again or move on to other friends.
In sixth grade I finally had friends that I was able to keep. And then in the seventh grade another new kid showed up. He had come from another part of the state but before that he was from Australia. Alan’s accent intrigued our peers. Teacher’s liked his manners and musical talent.
Our friendship went through several rocky points over the years. We had our disagreements. But we were always back being there for each other. And that was the most important thing. We were there for each other when we needed a friend.
Alan left for Australia shortly after we graduated high school. We lost touch until a year or so ago and we’re on FB.
The last note he wrote me was in our senor yearbook. He wrote ‘Thanks for showing me what friendship is.’

be cool stay in school.. or quit

I did go back to school in 2002. I was teaching school at a group placement facility. The students were boys from around the state who were mostly juvenile offenders. I loved teaching and thought myself an outstanding teacher. What I did not have was a valid California Teaching Credential. So I went back to school to get it.
I went to National University in San Bernardino and took night classes. During this time my daughter, Naomi was in and out of the hospital with her cancer treatments and side effects. So one night after class I stopped at Loma Linda University Medical Center to say goodnight to her. When I go to her room she had already gone to sleep. I sat with her for a few minutes then kissed her goodnight and went home. But that night stuck with me. I couldn’t stand being in school any more whether Naomi was home or not.
I faltered and failed my next class, owed money to the school, didn’t get my transcript submitted and lost my teaching job. The fact that I had no one to blame but myself only made me feel more like a failure. I made a half-hearted attempt to go back to school a few years ago but gave up. As vaguely as I see my future, I don’t think I’ll ever go back to school.

foglights

Most days when I visit this site there have been no hits anyway. But it’s okay. I enjoy talking to myself. I have written a lot so far to explain who I am by recounting my past. Just like my novella Icarus, I feel the need to write a lot of back-story.
One of my major character flaws however is that I tend to live in the past. More than that, I am never mindful of the future. I do very well in the moment. But I have a mentality like I’m driving through thick fog and my foglights only shine directly in front of me. I can’t worry about the bend in the road because it isn’t here yet. I may be too busy gazing in my mirror reminiscing about how much nicer the road was just a bit back.
I wrote a novella, now what? No plans. I have a great job with great co-workers, but not a lot of room for advancement. Get a more challenging job in the future? The future? Where is that?
Go back to school? That is another back-story.

toasted bagels with butter

Prajna overheard me tell the emergency room personnel that she was my fiancée. I had never called her that until the day of her car accident and it just came naturally. She was laid up in Maui Memorial Hospital for two weeks whit her broken femur. I visited her every day.
Prajna lost her job at Maui Bagel and I was able to help support her financially. When she asked how her can was I had the heartbreaking job of telling her it would never drive again. Months later I helped her get a Toyota Corona. We ended up driving that car on our honeymoon and to the hospital when our fist child was born.
I don’t think that Prajna was ever in any life-threatening danger in the emergency room. The doctor who came and told us that there could be bone fragments in her blood was just baffled at Prajna’s delirious reaction to the meds. She was asking folks if they wanted cream cheese on their bagels.
But my life was save that night. I wrote about it in the previous entry. This entry just tied up loose ends.