I
was probably seven years-old or so the afternoon I realized I needed to work on
my communication skills. My friends and I were playing in someone’s backyard
when I suddenly remembered an exciting event from my day before. Without
context, I blurted it out to my friends. Despite the authenticity of what was
said, my tale was deemed untrue by the ruling that cannot be appealed when one
boy announces it. I was met with an incredulous “nuh-uh!” And that was the end
of it.
The
day before, I’d been in the neighboring town with my family when we saw the
local fire engine, red lights rolling down a side street. My dad steered the
Volkswagen Bus down to investigate. There had been a minor residential
structure fire. By the time we got there it was pretty much over. My dad
overheard folks standing around talking about the couch getting badly burned
up.
I
don’t know what sparked my memory the next day with my friends. But as soon as
I thought of it I had to share with them the incredible thing that had happened
to me the day before.
“There
was a fire!” I exclaimed. “We went to it! The couch was badly burned!”
By
then, my buddy Chuckie had narrowed his eyes and was shaking his head,
pronouncing judgment. I was crushed. I fibbed now and then. But this time I
wasn’t. Perhaps it was penance for the lies I did spin. But I walked away from
that situation wondering how I could have told the story better. In retrospect,
nearly any way could have been better.
Sometimes
I will have a story and try to get it out, figure out how to tell it in the
best way and it just won’t work. Often times it ends up as a blog post anyway.
But sometimes it will be a fiction story I’m working on. There will be false
starts, long pauses, and days where I wrap up my writing thinking that at least
I got a few hundred words out.
Now
I’m a firm believer in crummy first drafts. It’s not only okay, it’s expected
to produce a first draft that is little better than a bucket of butt-loafs. I
understand that. But I’m working on my memoir and not feeling even the hope
that it’s working for me. I started on it last year and felt good about it.
Then I promised myself that when I was done writing Sidewinder last November
that I would get back into the first draft of the memoir. January came and what
I really wanted to do was fix up Sidewinder. It needed just a few things to
close up a few plot holes. I went ahead and wrote a complete second draft. I
wrote off and on and then in March the mojo kicked in. By April I was writing
just about every day. And I was having a ball.
I finished the
second draft of Sidewinder and felt great. A few people read it and had
positive comments. Then, feeling the burdensome obligation, I started back on
the memoir. I began again at the beginning. Some days went well and others
didn’t. Most of the time writing it felt like swimming against a current. But I
kept it up.
Then Prajna read
Sidewinder. She liked it, but had a lot to say about how it could be a lot
better. I told her what I really wanted to do was write another draft of it.
That’s when Prajna told me something I really needed to hear:
“You’re memoir’s
not going anywhere.”
Right away, Prajna
tried to clarify that she meant that I wouldn’t lose it. The story would always
be there. But I knew that she nailed it. The memoir’s just not happening.
Prajna told me
what she didn’t like about Sidewinder. And I loved hearing it. I started
thinking about how I can increase the tension, up the stakes, and sharpen this
novel so it’s more plot-driven.
So what does it
mean if I go back on my promise to myself and set the memoir aside for now?
Yes, it means I am breaking my word. But it also means I am going to tell the
story I have to tell now. The memoir was coming out in confused utterances, and
sometimes I could see readers shaking their heads, not saying “nuh-uh, but
worse, closing the book.
So the memoir is
going back on hold for awhile. I can’t force it. It’s time to join the current
and get back to work on Sidewinder. My plan is to try to write every day. I
think I’ll read over my draft once more and stick notes on the pages. There
will be some plot changes and some more stuff taken out. With a major re-write
like this, I’m convinced that it won’t be the last draft.
So that’s the
plan. My focus will go to Sidewinder. I may or may not post blogs on Monday and
they may or may not be much more than updates on how I’m doing.
But when this
draft is done, I will most likely be even more excited than when the last one
was done. It’ll be like a fire. Thanks for reading.