Even if it has been a busy and difficult week for both Prajna and me there is no excuse for not blogging for so long. Tuesday is piano day and the only day that we’re really on a deadline to get breakfast done and leave. But it’s been emotionally taxing and that makes me tired and distracted and I can’t seem to write when I feel like that. Today I’m taking it easy with no work or homeschool but I still got up early just to get something written. The writing wheel definitely seize up quickly if not spun often.
My last day of my old job was Thursday and the first day of my new one was Friday. I tried to get as much stuff done as I could on my last day. There really was a good amount of stuff to do. Then I left my keys on the executive administrator’s desk and coded out of the building for the last time. When I showed up the next day at my new job I had to kind of figure out what to do. I knew that I needed to get the church clean and ready for Sunday and I knew what events were scheduled over the next two days. I knew where all the cleaning supplies were and I could find out everything that had been done. I would have been sure that was all I needed to do my job but I still had trouble getting started. In fact I found myself feeling something that I had not felt in 14 years. It was panic. The last time I felt panic was during training before going to Hungary. I had no idea what I was going to do or where to start. I don’t believe in panic. I didn’t feel panic at any time during Naomi’s illness or loss or when I lost my job several times. Friday night I didn’t panic. But I felt it and identified it. Once I realized with amazement that that is what I really felt I was able to keep my breathing under control and assess the situation. Later on I started cleaning offices. By the time I was vacuuming I felt much better.
Saturday was easier. People tell me that it will take months to acclimate and I know that they’re right. In a few months I will be settled into a new routine and be much more comfortable. But until then I will miss my old co-workers and cleaning cart and supplies and having only four keys to open doors.
It’s all good. I was asked to take this job by a man I greatly respect as a man of God. This makes me believe that I’m in God’s hands. Just like the last time I felt such panic and then everything turned out alright.