I
remember watching an old ‘B’ movie when I was a young child where the heroine
of the movie had a nightmare. In describing it to the leading man, the actress
was swooning and melodramatic. That frightened me. The way she talked about a
nightmare, it was the worst possible thing that could happen. I don’t really
remember having bad dreams as a child. I know that the ones I had did indeed
disturb me terribly. I learned that if I went to bed and imagined not having a nightmare, then it wouldn’t
happen. All I had to do was imagine a worst case scenario to prevent it from
happening. If only that really worked for us.
When
I was in kindergarten, I had a worst case scenario in my head. I didn’t think
imagining it would prevent it, either. I thought about it in order to be
prepared for it and have a plan. The worst thing I thought could ever happen at
my elementary school was for my clothes to suddenly vanish, leaving me in the
costume of Adam in front of the kindergarten. I had things planned out for that
with variables. If I was sitting at my desk I could just stay there. If it
happened to everyone at once and we were all in the starks, then maybe no-one
would notice me and I could run. But if I was out in the open or in front of
the class and suddenly my clothing vanished, just mine, and I had nothing to
cover with, and then my legs didn’t work and I was compelled to just stand
there… well, I didn’t have a plan thought out for that. It worried me. That was
the worst possible thing that could happen to me at school.
I
wish every child could still have that be their worst fear. And I wish that the
worst fear that parents could have would be that their child isn’t dressed
warmly enough. I am just as shocked, horrified and grieved as everyone else in
the country in the wake of last week’s shootings. I didn’t for a moment think I
could blog anything that helped this make sense. I wish I knew why this
happened and who to blame so that it would never happen again. But placing blame
will not bring back any murdered people. In my anguish and confusion I read one
thing that I want to share. My wife, Prajna wrote it and I not only agreed with
it, I asked her if I could post it this morning. Here it is:
After
today's tragedy in CT, many of you may be asking, "How can you believe in
a God who allows these things to happen?" I've asked that question myself.
When Naomi was diagnosed with cancer at age three I had a crisis of faith. Why
would God allow an innocent little girl to suffer like this? I came to the
conclusion that horrible things happen to everyone. Maybe not THIS horrible,
but that's just the way our world is. After a lot of tears and sleepless nights
I decided that I would rather go through life, and the eventual death of my
daughter three years later, with God by my side rather than alone. Losing your
baby is the worst thing imaginable, but through it all I knew I had someone to
lean on. We can have a hope and future free of pain and sorrow. But not here.
So if you know someone affected by this tragedy, don't try to make them feel
better. Just give them a hug, say you're sorry and pray for them. Recovery is
possible, but only with the hope and peace that comes from God. It has been 10
years since Naomi died and this is the first year I haven't fallen to pieces in
December. I couldn't have done it alone.
I don’t want to believe that everything happens for a reason.
I do, however believe that God creates everyone for a reason. We all have hearts
that can reach out to broken people. This isn’t a commission to my readers to go
and reach out. People will do what they are moved to do. I want to say that there
is hope.
“only with
the hope and peace that comes from God”
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