I have a clear memory that is either 39 or 40 years old this week. I was sitting at the lunch table in my home in Clarkdale, Arizona. I was most likely eating what I called a peanut and butter and jelly sandwich. My parents were with me and trying to explain something to me.
“Tomorrow is the first day of February,” my mother told me. I was unimpressed. “Do you know what that means?”
“Your birthday is in February,” she explained.
Tomorrow would be the first day of February. My birthday was is February. My mind made the obvious conclusion.
“So…” I said. “Tomorrow is my birthday!” And I burst into a huge smile.
“No, no,” my mother then explained how my birthday was on the 28th. I didn’t get what the big deal was about tomorrow being the first day of February of tomorrow wasn’t my birthday. The next morning I was doing what I did most mornings, sitting on the floor in front of the heater. My mother walked by and wished me a happy first day of February.
This was not only the mentality of my four year old mind. I have been like this all my life. I rarely concern myself with what is in the future and only concentrate on the next moment.
(I also have a bad habit of dwelling in the past but I’m trying to overcome that.)
This kind of thinking is helpful when I’m driving down the Cajon pass in rush hour and have to concentrate on a hundred vehicles changing lands and going different speeds. It was perfect helping Prajna when Sarah was born in an emergency at home. People boast about living in the moment. I think it can be helpful but I’ve also suffered from it. I spent four years of college living in the moment until the moment I graduated and then wondered what to do. I don’t plan for the future well and while I do consider the consequences of my actions I almost never think about the costs of my inaction.
Most of the time I just don’t make long term plans. The most I usually do is try to plan out a weekly breakfast menu.
So a few days ago Prajna turned in her two week notice for her job. We will go back to being a family with a stay at home parent which was always our desire. Out income will be significantly reduced but so will our expenses. I am trying not to worry. I would like to think this is because I trust God and not because I’m so flippant. But this is always how we have managed in our marriage. We have relied on God and obeyed without being concerned with the possible problems. That had brought us to where we are so far with is living in a small home with five great kids and always enough to eat. No complaints. No great long term plans. Full ahead.