Which will I be?

     One of my favorite storybooks to read aloud has a part where the absent-minded Mr. Pig accidently drives away in Soldier Rabbit’s Jeep instead of his own car. My favorite part of reading the story is indulging in what the poor rabbit is saying as Mr. Pig drives away. I use a weak incredulity, with the voice of a performer who is watching another go off the script.

     “Hey,” he says. “That’s… that’s my Jeep you’re taking. You’re driving away in my Jeep. Hey, you’re… taking my Jeep. Hey, that’s my Jeep. Hey.”    

I wonder if that’s how the owner of the donkey colt felt when a couple of strangers came, untied his animal and began to take it away.

     “Hey, you’re taking my donkey. That’s my foal of a donkey you’re untying and taking… hey.”

     And the answer they gave him was this: “The Lord needs it.”

     Here is where the owner of the animal had a choice. He could go along with God’s plan, for it had been prophesied in the Old Testament that The Messiah would ride into Jerusalem on a colt, the foal of a donkey. If Old Testament prophesy said it would happen, there was no stopping it. Or the man could have argued and tried to prevent it from happening. But he didn’t and the disciples were able to bring the donkey to Jesus.

So did God bend the will of the owner? I don’t think so. If the owner of the animal had not agreed to let his donkey go, something may have happened. But God’s plan was for the donkey to be there, and the owner of the animal choose to let the donkey go. By doing that, he was aligned with God’s plan.

Meanwhile, the donkey colt showed perfect submission. Where God needed him, he went. He carried a burden without fuss and without any pride. People waved palm fronds and shouted praise, the donkey knew it wasn’t for him. He went forward in complete obedience with the plan God had for him.

Compared to the folks Jesus met later that week, the ones who were convinced that they wanted nothing to do with Jesus or his will, who were the real Jackasses?

God has a plan for me and my life. It may be giving up something because The Lord needs it. It may be the least of services, carrying a weight and letting God get all the glory. Regardless of what it is though, I want to be a part of it and not be the one with a hardened heart, a stubborn person. I’ve used the word once, you know what I mean.

     I’d like to think that at the end of the day, the man got his donkey back. (I’m sure there’s an apocryphal fiction story there, that I’d enjoy writing.) I can only imagine that the man was blessed for giving to God. The blessing wasn’t a reward for obedience, or something material. It was the kind of blessing I want, a blessing that comes from being on God’s side.

     Submission or stubbornness, it’s my choice. Donkey or, well you know.

Hurt, Humbled and Healed.

     I love driving the golf cart, one hand on the wheel, once foot hanging out the side, the breeze blowing, and I feel like I’m the king of all I see. I hung my foot out of the golf cart Friday the 7th and passed too close to a fence pillar. It pressed my foot down, spraining it. I was home on my lunch break. Well I had to get back to work, so I elevated it and iced it and then tried to stand on it. There was a knife-like shooting pain. Prajna had to drive me to urgent care. The whole way, I just didn’t want to believe that I had injured myself. I had a busy weekend and an even busier next one. I couldn’t take off from work, I had just come back to work that Tuesday after a week off.

     I was ordered to wear an orthopedic boot and stay off of my foot until a follow up on Tuesday. I went ahead and checked with the doctor, it would be okay though, if I went to work where I do some walking and lifting? He shook his head. There are times when even denial can’t save me.

I didn’t want to accept that I would be unable to go to work for maybe a week. I kept wishing I hadn’t been such an imbecile putting my foot out of the golf cart. Finally, all I could do was believe that God never wastes a hurt. Something good would come of this and I just wanted to actively look for it.  

I stayed in bed for three days with my foot elevated. I couldn’t sit at my laptop to write or blog. I used my iPod touch and kept up with Facebook and Twitter. I listened to a lot of music and I finished a very good book that the author signed for me at the Storyline conference. Love Does by Bob Goff convicted me.   

What was I holding on to as my identity? What did I value so very much? It was kind of easy to see, because I had lost it that week. It’s what I have valued in myself more than almost anything. It’s this: Being irreplaceable.

I have made great efforts to make myself impossible to replace. Maybe it’s easy to understand why I thought that was a good idea. Last decade I lost two jobs. I must have thought that I needed to become inimitable and that would make me bulletproof. Well, it did an awful disservice to the folks who relied on me when I went away to San Diego and they didn’t know how to do things.

Then a week later I was put on bedrest where I had to come to grips with the fact that other people can do what I do. And they did. Two of my kids, Benjamin and Sarah went to my work and took care of things. When the big weekend event came, they handled it. And the reason for that was because they had worked with me before and knew how to do my job.

So I learned a couple of things. First, have an exit strategy. Train replacements, apprentices, substitutes, whatever it takes. Have faith in those I work for that they won’t dismiss me just because other people can do my job.

Most of all, I learned that my value will never come from being irreplaceable at anything. I need to exchange that for humble submission to God. I need to not value such a prideful attitude, lest I end up humbled like King Nebuchadnezzar again, put out of commission for a time to rethink who’s really in charge.     

What The Voice told Me.

     I grew up knowing about God. My parents modeled and taught me. I went to Sunday School and I learned a lot of my Bible stores from Arch Books. My Arch Books were children’s picture books with Bible Stories set to rhyme. Looking back now, I don’t care for them as much. They often corrupted the truth of the story by incorporating a child into it. The rhyme would often be awkward and easily set to the tune of Puff the Magic Dragon.

I remember one book about Abraham picking up and settling eventually in The Promised Land. The first page showed the kindly old man at the window of his apartment in Ur. A pagan parade is outside with folks dancing around an idol. Abraham is cupping his hand to his ear and God is telling him to move away. I remember that picture well. Abraham is just listening to God as if it happens every day.

     I took to learning that God spoke out loud to folks a lot. I was taught about the boy Samuel living in the temple and is woken up by the voice of God. Prophets seemed to tap into God’s voice all the time. Jonah even heard God and ran the other way. I was impressed by all of this. I wanted God to talk like that to me too.

     When I was still three or four years old, I didn’t like to get myself up in the morning. I slept in a normal bed and would have had no problem getting up and leaving my room. I might have been a little shy to do that. (I even knocked on the back door to come in after playing outside.) So I would often wake up and sit in my bed and wait for my mom to come in and find me. Often times I would become impatient and call her. My mom told me I didn’t need to do that. But I still did. So one morning I woke up and sat in my bed. I wanted to get up. I was about to call my mom when my stomach growled and… I am not making this up… my stomach spoke the word: “NOOO!”

     My goodness, God had really spoken to me. He was telling me that I could just get myself up. Never mind that my stomach was empty and probably just making hungry noises. I wanted to believe that God talked to me. It was what I had always wanted.

     In the years since, I know God has spoken to me. Most often it’s when an idea pops into my head that I couldn’t have, or wouldn’t want to think of myself. One time I was praying, thanking God for the extra money I had gotten, a tax refund I think. Then God told me who to give the money to. I would not have thought of it, but it made perfect sense.

     I have learned that God may not tell me what I want to hear, but it always makes the most sense to obey. Most times, it means trusting Him more. And what I put on the line is always something I can stand to lose. It’s never something I can’t live without.

     Sometimes I will think God wants me to do something and I may only be wishing something out of selfishness. Yes, that’s happened too, but only when I didn’t pray and listen and I didn’t seek Godly council. And I have learned that if it’s something that I think I want, that might do me good in the short run, it’s probably not the right thing.

     So 2013 is coming to a close and here comes the next year. A lot will happen this coming year that I am looking forward to. I’m going to a Storyline Conference in February and taking a family vacation in March. We’ve got a family reunion in the summer. I hope to take a sabbatical sometime in the fall and of course, I’m already thinking about next November.

     2013 was good, but there were some rough spots. I don’t know what 2014 will bring. Sometimes the bottom drops out of one’s life and then what? All I can do is keep my hand to my ear and not stare out at what doesn’t help.

     That morning as a little kid, I heard what I thought was God’s voice. And it was telling me to do the right thing. “No” meant don’t call your mom and get yourself out of bed. I was so thrilled at hearing God’s voice I called my mom to tell her that my tummy said “no” and it was God talking to me.

     I can even hear to do what’s right and go and do my own thing. I hope I can think less about what I want and more about listening to that voice, wherever it comes from.